There’s More To Life Than Just Living

Because let’s face it, this whole life thing is a lot deeper- and complicated- than we ever could have expected

*Ref: the Book of Jonah

I’m finally back.

From where, you might ask?

Oh, from a detour to Joppa, where I planned on living my own life in Tarshish (to be honest, it felt like more of a pit-stop in Sodom and Gomorrah), to a violent storm of life, to a few days in a great fish, where God had me reflect on the path I had chosen, and back here, on the path that I was  originally called onto.

The first two months of college were as expected: overwhelming, exciting, adventurous, and eye-opening. It also came with exposure and a lot of revelation. I was given the chance to live however I wanted to- and I did. But I learned more than just a “good time” in the blur of the bright lights in the big city.

I figured I would take it by storm- and so I went out and, to put it mildly- Did the most. And throughout it all, I tried to hustle my way out of church, home cell, and meetings with my home cell leader. Time and time again, I ignored God’s prompting to come back to Him and fulfill His purpose for me. I kept taking the wheel and speeding down the fast lane- until I crashed, and found myself humbled, fearful and ashamed, crawling back to God.

I couldn’t create a life that was better than the life God had in store for me. I could create memories, experiences and fleeting fun, but I couldn’t find peace, fulfillment, and sincere joy. Something was still missing. I was still empty, and I was reminded time and time again that I’m not really in control of my life. As I found myself in smoky rooms of blaring music, dark streets and dingy rooms, I couldn’t push away that silent voice that said “This life isn’t for me, Bee. I can’t seem to fit in. Why am I even here? Why aren’t I as comfortable and happy as the others around me?” It was through God’s grace that I made it through that season in one piece, and still had the chance to return to Him. And my God, ever so gracious, accepted me with open arms, cleaned my wounds, and reminded me of who I am, and what I’m here to do. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom so that the only way forward is up.

What I realized after a few days in the belly of the fish, is that there’s no better life set out for me- or anyone, for that matter- than the life that is in alignment with God’s purpose. Yes, it can be difficult, it does require us to leave our comfort zone, and it means leaving certain habits, scenes, and relationships behind (John 8:11). But it is so fulfilling, and brings so much peace, that it’s all worth it. And now, having experienced pretty much all that the world has to offer, I have my fire for God rekindled, and am certain that the life I have left behind really isn’t something to fret over. God has greater in store for me.

We’re all living life as best we can, and we’re all at different places in our walk of faith. Maybe you’re still just living your life. Maybe you’ve heard God calling you to Nineveh. Perhaps you’re stubborn, like me, and are in Joppa, on your way out to live your own life and ignore God’s calling over your life. You might be sleeping in your comfort zone, or going through the storm, or being tossed in the rough oceans, or sitting in the depths of the belly of a fish, contemplating your life, or have recently gotten back on track. But once you’ve really had a life-changing encounter with God, there’s no turning back. And I won’t lie, I can’t wait until the day you realize that God has more in store for you than where you are right now, or where you think you’re headed.

Who am I?

 

 

That’s a question that I often found myself asking throughout my high school years, and even now- in my last year of high school- I can’t answer that question with certainty.

One thing that many of us young people struggle with is finding our identities. Remember when you were in 1st grade, and you said “I’m going to grow up and become an astronaut!”? When you get older, your ideas, personality and perception change and develop. When you enter high school, you get thrust into a whirlwind of emotions and confusion, and all aspects of your life change. You go through victories and disappointments, ups and downs, and your faith, morals, values and willpower get tested.

Sometimes we’re insecure. Sometimes we associate ourselves with the wrong people. Sometimes we get into the wrong relationships. Or make the wrong decisions. Or don’t understand why we feel a certain way about certain things.

All these things impact our ideas about who we are. Our insecurities and confusion lead us to try validate ourselves and fit in wherever we possibly can. We even end up developing awful habits that can affect us for a lifetime- all because we don’t know who we are.

My struggles with my identity also influenced my faith. There were times when I felt good about myself, and confident of my position as a child of God. And in times where I was more lost and looking for answers in the world, my faith would hit an all-time low. I recently discovered that the main problem with my faith was a lack of consistency. But how could I consistently grow in the Lord and have a relationship with Him if I didn’t even know who I was?

I finally found, acknowledged and accepted my identity in Christ, and that’s when I really began to gain confidence in myself . 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light”

One has to come to the decision that they are who God says they are. You have to reach a point where you say, “Lord, I’ve tried to find my own identity, and I’ve tried to gain confidence and feel better about myself out there, but I’m getting nowhere. I’ve chosen to follow you, and that also means that I’ll live the life you want me to. My identity will be in Christ, and I choose to be a person who lives according to Your Word and Your principles. I’m not living just to fulfill my own carnal desires, I’m looking for something deeper.”

And that’s when you truly gain confidence. I’m so much more confident now because I know who I am in the Lord. I am chosen by the Lord. I am royalty, I am part of the Holy nation and the peculiar people, I am God’s very own possession. I am created in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26), I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14), my name is inscribed in His palm (Isaiah 49:16), I am a child of the Most High God (Psalms 82:6). I am unshakeable in the Lord. I am not meant to be understood by everyone, because I’m not of this earth. I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phillipians 4:13)

Once I truly understood and realised who I am, I could actually move forward in my relationship with Christ, and develop character as a person. It’s still an ongoing process that I take step-by-step, but it’s a fulfilling one. Now I have a solid reason behind the habits I have, the conversations I have and the people I speak to; I don’t want to do anything to compromise my identity and relationship with God. I’ve found peace in my new identity.

I’m a child of God.

And that’s the standard I’ll always try to keep myself up to.